Slaying Vamps

In case you’ve been living in the dark for the past year or so, North America has developed an unhealthy obsession with everything vampire. The countless television shows and movies exploiting this craze have sparked my curiosity regarding the culture of vampires.

Now I must admit the only one of these shows/movies I have actually seen is True Blood so I will be using that as my point of reference regarding what exactly a vampire is. Anybody who has seen True Blood can recognize the strong sexual undertones that run throughout every episode, which in turn got me thinking what it would be like to crush some vampire vajayjay.

The first thing we learn about vampires is that they are cold and their bodies do not generate heat, as they are dead. From this one can infer that a female vampires nani will inturn be cold. Sure it will probably warm up once the proper amount of friction is generated but you can imagine that maintaining a hard on when penetrating a frost bitten vampussy may be difficult.

This brings us to our next issue. We know that when vampires cry, their tears consist of nothing but blood. This makes me wonder what other bodily fluids are replaced by blood. More specifically does this mean that every time you bang a vampire you are going to be getting your Red Wings? Getting you Red Wings is a right of passage for many young men as there is not much that can be done to prevent Aunt Flo and her monthly visits. Yet I have trouble accepting that someone would be willing to take this monthly visitor and have it move in permanently. On the otherhand there are a lot of sickos out there. For the female fang bangers out there does this mean that they will be getting a face full of bloody splooge every time she gets facialized?

Also, what happens is a vampire bites some HIV ridden crack head? Would they get the HIV? Would they now have strong urges to hit the crack pipe? If said vampire goes and bangs another vampire would he be creating some form of full blown vampire aids?

I realize this is a sensitive topic but these are questions that MUST be asked.